Phil Torcivia: The IAN Interview

Author Phil Torcivia talks about the latest in his “Nice Guy” series, Just a Nice Guy.

Phil Torcivia is a divorced man who transplanted himself from Pennsylvania into the treacherous dating pool in Southern California. His feline companions, Syd and Symon, share his home in San Diego and an occasional dish of leftover tuna. Torcivia loves nothing better than bellying up to the bar with his favorite social lubrication (wine) and watching the bizarre mating rituals of the locals, which he translates into humorous essays. He has been single long enough to be involved in a few train wrecks of his own, admitting that he's "one relationship disaster away from a third cat."

Just a Nice Guy in 87 words:

Is it true that nice guys finish last? It sure seems that way as a divorced man fights his way through a comedic dating scene. Will he ever find his soul mate?

Phil has been called the male version of Carrie Bradshaw. Enjoy his humorous essays about relationships and the struggles we all have finding and keeping lovers. Women appreciate his open view into the minds of men.

Artist Mike Swaim adds to the hilarity with his brilliant sketches, giving another dimension to Phil's quest for love.

IAN. How long did it take to write the book?

PT. 6 months and 108 bottles of wine.

IAN. What inspired you to write the book?

PT. My single life and dating dysfunctions. I needed to vent.

IAN. Talk about the writing process. Do you write at night or in the morning?

PT. Usually mid-morning, daily.

IAN. Did you use an outline or do you just wing the first draft?

PT. I write in short essay form, so no outline.

IAN. How is your book different from others in your genre?

PT. Short chapters (toilet reading), honest insight into minds of men from a man who isn’t gay (yet).

IAN. Is your book published in print, e-book or both?

PT. Both

IAN. What do you hope your readers come away with after reading your book?

PT. A sore stomach (from laughing, not nausea).

IAN. Where can we go to buy your book?

PT. Amazon, B&N, Google eBooks, Apple iBooks, Me (signed copies)

IAN. Tell us about your next book or a work in progress. Is it a sequel or a stand alone?

PT. Same as the four I have out with my insights into relationships.

IAN. Any other links or info you'd like to share?

PT. My Facebook fan page (28,000 peeps) … http://Facebook.com/SuchaNiceGuy

Just a Nice Guy

Page count: 349

Genre: Humor

Publisher: CreateSpace

An Excerpt:

The Birth of Willy

Once upon a time, when Phil was just a child, he discovered something dangling between his legs and named it “Winky.” Winky was a tiny acorn-looking nugget that was pliable and unobtrusive. Adults suggested he call it his wiener, but Phil cherished his individuality and figured Winky would too. Phil’s own name stands for “lover of horses” so he also considered the name “Baloney Pony,” but was concerned about all the saturated fat.

When he reached adolescence, Phil learned exciting, new uses for his unit. He dreamed of using it to take the innocence from his budding female classmates. He didn't have any idea what it entailed (still doesn't), but it sounded sinister, so he decided to rename it “Pork Sword.”

Suddenly the pink bits beneath his dagger begged to be named as well. He remembered that Pop referred to his own as “balls” after Phil bounced a baseball while playing catch and sent his father into a high-pitched rage. Phil sought a more creative name and came up with “Spuds.”

Once in high school, Phil finally found a place to rest his manhood other than his hands. Phil’s girlfriend was unimpressed with his choice of names and suggested he change it to match her love muffin. Phil reasoned it would be easier to change her privates’ name to “Meat Locker.” She kneed him in the marbles, causing Phil to relent and rename his companions “Love Cruller and the Pink, Wrinkled Plums.”

During college, Phil discovered his creative knack. His male hall mates all had interesting names for their parts, so he dug deep to find a new name, securing his individuality once again. Phil filed the necessary paperwork and changed the organs’ names to “Captain Slappy and the Kerbangers.” Yep, Phil slept alone most nights back then. His favorite T-shirt read, “I’m With Stupid” with an arrow pointing down. Coeds ran away.

As Phil entered the corporate world, a more mature name was required. Also, this was not the time to be coddling his jobbers. He had to set them free to find a pink wallet that would eventually host his evil offspring. After thinking long and hard (as opposed to short and soft), Phil came up with a brilliant new name: “Willy the One-Eyed Wonder Worm and his hanging brain.” There was apprehension regarding how he’d fit the name on the back of a jersey if his parts ever went pro. He decided to cross that bridge when it had a delicious honey pot waiting at the other end.

When Phil took his weapon of ass destruction to the West Coast in 2004, he realized it was time for another renaming. He tried a Hollywood-inspired name to match the locale: “Womb Raider.” However, Phil was served with a cease-and-desist order, leaving his lap taffy limp and downhearted.

“Cheer up there, my spunky monkey. I’ll come up with a new name in a jiffy,” Phil assured his skin flute. Alas, Phil and his hanging Johnny were exhausted from all of the jostling and they settled on a shortened version, which remains to this day: “Willy.”