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Showing posts with label memoir. Show all posts
Showing posts with label memoir. Show all posts

Sunday, May 18, 2025

The Shaman's Apprentice: A memoir by Vonetta Rain


The Shaman's Apprentice
is more than a memoir—it is a profound testament to transformation, illuminating the power of an open heart, boundless curiosity, and the interconnectedness of humanity.

Born in Boston, Vonetta's story is one of resilience, revelation, and spiritual evolution. While pursuing her Anthropology degree at Cornell University, a life-changing study abroad in Africa evoked a deep connection to her destiny. This pivotal experience led her to the sacred teachings of a renowned Amazonian psycho-cartographer and wisdom keeper, under whom she became an apprentice in the art of healing.

Vonetta has dedicated her life to service, having led over 800 empowerment retreats worldwide, helping thousands heal from childhood trauma, emotional pain, disease, depression, anxiety, physical ailments, relational wounds, and financial stress. Her work extends beyond healing communities—she works with CEOs and industry leaders, supporting them in integrating heart-centered leadership models that foster conscious evolution at both personal and organizational levels. Her work continues to spark renewal and hope for those seeking personal alignment.

After two decades navigating life as a single mother in Los Angeles, Vonetta continues her sacred mission of healing and empowerment on a global scale.
Now Available on Amazon – The Shaman's Apprentice: A Memoir
Embark on a journey that is both an enchanting adventure and an intimate glimpse into a life devoted to healing, service, and the limitless possibilities that arise when one answers the call of the spirit.


"I couldn't put it down! Her story is a powerful reminder of how we can remember our joy and passions––even in the most stuck places." ––Dr. Nakia Gordon, Ph.D., Professor and Researcher in Behavioral Neuroscience

"Vonetta is a true visionary, a compelling storyteller. This immersive and transportive memoir will open your mind, touch your heart, and move your soul." ––Miriam Brown, MA, AMFT

For media inquiries, interviews, or event appearances, contact:
tamika@luminasuite248.com

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Sherrie Lowe: The IAN Interview




I think I can now call myself an indie author. I have sold both paperback and ebook copies of my books for which I’ve received royalties so I presume that means I’m on my way. I’d always dabbled with writing starting with children’s poetry books when I was in my 30s but only seriously when I became ill with M.E/C.F.S in 1995 and I was forced to resign from my job as learning support assistant in a mainstream high school. I was heartbroken. Writing has kept me sane throughout the loneliness and isolation that comes with any illness and it is my hope that one day it will give me my life back – or at least half of it!  -Sherrie Lowe



IAN. Please tell us about your latest book:
SL. ANGEL BREATHS is my latest publication. It is a story which links life on earth with life in the realm of the angels. Angelique has been robbed of ever having a life with her earthly family and of walking the earthly path with her soulmate. Instead she watches over them from her position in a higher realm.

Had she lived she would have had a comfortable life, her parents having reasonably well paid jobs, both with prospects. What is heartbreakingly lacking in their life though is a family. Her soulmate by contrast is the son of a homeless drug addict and his start in life is a lot more difficult. Although they haven’t met on the earth plane their souls are connected and each is aware of the other as they run parallel in their complimentary realms. 

IAN. Is Angel Breaths published in print, e-book or both?
SL. Both
  
IAN. Where can we go to buy Angel Breaths?


IAN. What inspired you to write the book?
SL. ANGEL BREATHS was inspired by a news item on abortion laws which asked the question, ‘At what point does a baby have a soul?’ It made me wonder that if it was as early as an embryo, how would that soul feel it if were to be aborted or miscarried?

IAN. Did you use an outline or do you just wing the first draft?
SL. I usually have a rough idea of where I’m going but my stories evolve often into something quite different to what I’d originally planned.


IAN. How much of the book is realistic?
SL. I’d say about half and half. As no-one has ever truly passed into the afterlife and then returned we cannot know what it is like, we can only form our ideas by what we read, see and experience. I have had experiences with it as I write about in my memoir SHADOW ACROSS THE SUN and my interest in it stems from them. This is my own perception.

IAN. What book are you reading now?
SL. The Clairvoyant’s Handbook by A.L.Hale. I don’t wish to hone my psychic skills specifically I am just fascinated by the afterlife, a fact which I think is reflected in several of my books.


IAN. Are there any new authors that have caught your interest?
SL. Since becoming an indie author myself I have read many other indies and in truth I have found some of them to be far superior to some traditionally published authors. These are the ones that come to mind: Maureen Turner, Bev Spicer, David P. Perlmutter, Terry Tyler, Brooklyn Hudson, Peggy A. Edelheit, Geoffrey West.

IAN. Name one entity that you feel supported you outside of family members.
SL. FeedARead.com

IAN. Do you see writing as a career?
SL. I’d like to. I was forced to give up the career in education that I’d trained for because of my health. Writing is something I can do at my own pace and I’d love nothing more than for it to earn me a living.

IAN. Who is your favorite author and what is it that really strikes you about their work?
SL. I have lots of favourite authors and have been influenced by many but to choose one of them I’d say Frank McCourt for his memoir Angela’s Ashes. I was struck by his honesty and humour, even in the most difficult times of his life.

IAN. Who designed the cover(s)?
SL. An artist friend from my creative writing group called Mary Bennett paints original watercolour paintings for my covers.

IAN. Do you have any advice for other writers?
SL. The advice I’d give to other writers is to keep at it. The advent of the ebook has given authors the opportunity to achieve what they aimed for when they wrote that first word, to have it read.

IAN. Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
SL. To my readers I want to say a huge thank you. I am humbled that you have spent your hard earned money to buy my books. I really hope that I haven’t disappointed you and that if you’ve enjoyed one of my stories that you will try another title.

IAN. What were the challenges (research, literary, psychological, and logistical) in bringing it to life? 
SL. My main challenge is always my health. The writing aspect I enjoy but if I were well enough I’d love to go out physically to do my research as I did with FREE FLIGHT, that was a wonderful experience. Since discovering FeedARead.com who have published my paperbacks and KDP for the ebooks it has taken the pressure off that massive challenge of getting published. All I need now is that lucky break to sell millions!

IAN. Tell us about your next book or a work in progress. Is it a sequel or a stand-alone?
SL.The book I am working on at the moment is a sequel to my memoir. I’m thinking that the title will be JUST TWO MIRACLES but that could change. I’d had an idea to do it but it was friends and family who’d read the first book who encouraged me to make a start. Although it is essentially for friends and family I think that many people will relate to my life experiences. Lots of us go through the same joys and troubles but we all react differently. I’ve found by writing both fiction and non-fiction that even in the darkest hours there is humour.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Nancy A Kaiser: The IAN Interview










I was born with an innate love of animals, especially horses. I grew up riding, training, and showing horses in New Jersey. I graduated from Rutgers College of Pharmacy and practiced for several years before marrying my horse vet and leaving pharmacy to manage our equine hospital and breeding farm for 27 years. My abilities in telepathic animal communication and healing emerged while working with one of my husband’s patients. I live in the healing Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina surrounded by my family of two Labs and a horse.

I operate “Just Ask” Communications, a practice devoted to healing the human-animal bond through enhanced communication and understanding. I’m an ordained minister in the Universal Brotherhood Movement and work as a spiritual liaison for animals and their human companions. I am committed to bridging the chasm that has developed between species while increasing respect for all our relations. I’m an award-winning author of two books, Letting Go: An Ordinary Woman’s Extraordinary Journey of Healing & Transformation and Tales of an Animal Communicator ~ Master Teachers.

IAN. Please tell us about your latest book.
NK. Tales of an Animal Communicator ~ Master Teachers chronicles the tales of the remarkable animals that taught me that I was destined to be an animal communicator and healer. These amazing stories begin after my marriage in 1977. Tales opens with the story of the Quarter Horse filly foal, Because Of Love, who was born with curvature of the spine. Eventually, Love taught me that I was meant to be an animal communicator and changed my life forever.
After committing to my new path, astonishing animals and events began entering my life. The remainder of the book shares the lives and lessons of my personal animals that helped hone my skills in telepathic communication and spiritual healing. From my life on Fair Chance Farm, through my move to the mountains of North Carolina, and subsequent divorce, the lessons and unconditional love of these extraordinary animals will simply astound you. I guarantee you will never look at your own animals the same way again!
I’ve also created a companion CD or MP3 download to Tales of an Animal Communicator ~ Master Teachers that is available for purchase on my Website. Gifts From the Universe contains two releasing exercises that form the final chapter of the book and are designed as guided meditations to aid with the tumultuous energies of CHANGE that we’re all experiencing at this time on our planet.
A portion of the proceeds from the sales of Tales will be donated to my local Humane Society, Noah’s Wish, and The Wild Horse Sanctuary in Shingletown, California.

IAN. How long did it take to write the book?
NK. It took me seven months to write Tales and another two months for editing, proofing, and design work. My gifted designer, Janet Aiossa, and I worked on the cover early in the writing, so the cover work was completed long before the manuscript. I had saved an inside cover of a National Geographic back in the early 90s that really “spoke” to me. I had no idea why I was saving it until I began to write Tales. Janet did a wonderful illustration based on that image. We personalized the cover by using my hand; my dog, Saba’s paw; my cat, Crystal’s paw; and my horse, Stormy’s leg. I included a red-tailed hawk’s wing, because I get messages from them all the time; a white-tailed deer leg that I also communicate with; and a Hawaiian Spinner dolphin’s flipper that I’ve encountered in the waters off Oahu and Maui.

IAN. What inspired you to write the book?
NK. I always envisioned that one day I would write about the amazing animals I was helping and learning from. This I was sure of even long before I knew I could write. Life on my farm was jam-packed each and every day with unending chores and responsibilities. After meeting Love, which opened my mind and broadened my perspective on things that happen beyond our five senses, I was inundated with astonishing events and animals. I knew their stories had to be shared one day, because their lessons weren’t just meant for me. Their lessons hold great benefit to all. They teach valuable lessons that we’ve long forgotten in our hurry-up society. Simple, yet treasured lessons – how to live in the moment, how to love unconditionally, about transition and reincarnation, etc. – lessons we need to master.

IAN. Talk about the writing process.
N.K. I’ve always been a morning person, which is a perfect trait for a farm owner and manager. When I’m working on a book I usually write every day. Before I begin, I check my emails to be sure I don’t have any communication and/or healing work that needs my attention. Since an animal communicator is usually the last person consulted for an animal’s issues, I try to handle requests for help as quickly as possible. My communication and healing work takes priority over my writing. I didn’t learn this lesson in NJ, which is why I ended up writing my first book, Letting Go: An Ordinary Woman’s Extraordinary Journey of Healing & Transformation. I may be a slow student, but I don’t forget my lessons once I’ve embraced them. I would never write at night or do anything else for that matter unless it was an emergency. I want to be at my best for my writing and my communicating and healing work.
After I’ve written a chapter, I print it. For whatever reason, I just cannot edit on the computer screen. I have to see the written page. Once I’ve made my corrections, I make the changes in the computer and print it again to review. I use a lot of ink and paper, but it’s just my method.

IAN. Did you use an outline or do you just wing the first draft?
N.K. For Tales, I did create an outline of the animals based chronologically. Since I was writing about my life experiences, it was easier for me to align their tales chronologically. Once I had everyone listed with birth and death dates, I just let my heart flow the words and memories onto the computer screen. Whereas Tales was intended to be a book from the start, my first book, Letting Go, was based on a personal journal. Because of that, it required a huge amount of editing. Tales was finished much quicker because it required much less editing. Also, I like to think it was because I’ve become a better writer thanks to all the articles and columns I’ve written over the past three years since Letting Go was published.

IAN. How is your book different from others in your genre?
N.K. Tales is different from others in this genre since it not only shares my telepathic communication experiences, but it also shares the experiences and lessons related to the different healing modalities I work with, which include Spiritual Response Therapy, Vibrational Remedies, Color Therapy, Channeling Insights & Guidance, and Shamanic Healing.

IAN. Is your book published in print, e-book or both?
N.K. Tales, as well as Letting Go, is available in print and as an e-book.

IAN. What do you hope your readers come away with after reading your book?
N.K. If you’re an animal-lover or know one, Tales will really show you what part animals are waiting to play in your life. During a consultation session years ago, I was “told” that companion animals came into existence to answer our souls cries for help, because life on Earth is so difficult. The animals in people’s lives have come to them for a reason. Tales will help people recognize the deeper purpose of the animals in their lives. It’s my hope that reading Tales and learning the lessons of the animals that are featured in it will broaden the reader’s perspective on the significance of their animals in their life while helping them develop more meaningful relationships with not only their animals, but all animals.

Letting Go was created for people that have suffered a sudden and unexpected loss or are struggling with negative emotions that are adversely influencing their lives. Until they learn the lessons their pain has come to teach them, they won’t be able to let it go. Letting Go can help readers recognize the lessons their soul is trying to show them, so they can embrace the lessons, release the pain, and move forward and find happiness again. My purpose in publishing Letting Go was to help people learn from their traumatic life challenges more quickly & easily. Once their lessons are learned, they can move forward with grace. Letting Go earned the High Country Writers 2009 Memoir Book of the Year Award.

IAN. Where can we go to buy your book?
N.K. Personalized print copies of both Tales and Letting Go are available on my Website, www.NancyKaiserAnimalCommunicator.com as is the CD or M3P download of Gifts From the Universe. Print copies are also available from most online booksellers. However, purchasing from my Website allows me to donate the most from the sales of Tales to the various animal charities that it will benefit.




IAN. Tell us about your next book or a work in progress. Is it a sequel or a stand alone?
N.K. My next book will be a sequel to Tales titled Tales of an Animal Communicator – Being A Clear Voice. It will share the lessons I’ve learned through almost 20 years of communicating and facilitating healing work for my many clients’ wonderful animals. Without their trust in my skills, I wouldn’t have been able to learn and grow into the woman that I am today. I am forever indebted to these generous animals and their people for allowing me to help them forge deeper and more meaningful relationships.

IAN. Who do you consider your greatest master teacher?
N.K. To pick one out of all the amazing animals that have shared their lives with me is incredibly difficult. I simply can’t. I have two that have touched my life in profound ways. The first is the Quarter Horse filly foal, Because Of Love, who showed me what my life’s purpose was. Love’s story begins Tales because without her I may never have discovered my true path as an animal communicator and healer. Although she only lived for four short months, Love changed my life forever. I will never be able to thank her enough. Love’s soul has actually been waiting since 1993 for her story to be told.

The second is my dear mare, Squiggles, who was born in 1985. Squiggles stayed with me for 17 years and not only taught me more than most, but she also gave me three colts, who became master teachers for me as well. Prior to my uncovering my communication skills, Squiggles almost died three separate times. Each time, I learned significant lessons about her will to live and strong determination. Squiggles’ and her colts’ lives are chronicled throughout Tales. I have a beautiful painting of her and her second colt, Randy, that hangs next to my bed. I look in those eyes every day and feel grateful that they chose me to be their person.

IAN. Do you have suggestions for newbie writers?
N.K. Write for the “right” reasons for you. Write from your heart. Publish to contribute something of value to others not just to earn money. Surround yourself with professionals that respect your opinion regardless of your inexperience. Be open to constructive criticism and be willing to explore new possibilities and options. Remain true to your purpose and know that your heart knows best. Even if you never publish, the act of writing alone may be all you need. Writing healed me; publishing didn’t. But, know that the first time you hold your own book is magical and enormously satisfying. Each time you hear how your words have helped another, your heart warms and you smile. Those are the moments you’ll remember long after any money you’ve earned is spent.


Tales of an Animal Communicator ~ Master Teachers by Nancy A. Kaiser
317 pages
Memoir, Animal Communication, Pets, New Age
Aronya Publishing


I arrived at Gregory’s house for my session just as I had for many previous ones. For the first time, a collective of my Guides and Teachers channeled through Gregory. Their message was blunt and to the point, followed by an apology for being so direct – but they felt it was the only way to be sure I understood the message I’d been missing. I was told in no uncertain terms that if I continued to jump, I would have a tragic fall that would break my back and restrict me to a wheelchair for the rest of my life! Kind of like a patient who’s just heard they have cancer, I didn’t hear much after that. Luckily, Gregory records his sessions. Of course, it was my choice what I did with the information. They couldn’t interfere with my free will, but they hoped I’d make the wisest choice.
My head was spinning as I headed home. I’d never expected anything this serious. I had a choice, but really what choice did I have? To be wheelchair bound would be a fool’s choice. I’d just been told I could never again do the one thing that had always brought me such joy. I felt like I’d been hit in the stomach with a bat. I cried and cried and cried for days. Jumping horses had been my passion for 50-plus years – the one constant in my life.
I only shared my devastating message with a few close friends, including Collette. I could hardly get the words out before I would start crying. The next time I saw Stormy, I hugged him and cried, telling him I didn’t want him to ever feel like he’d hurt me. I’d been told that I could probably jump a couple more times without incident. The thought of never experiencing that feeling of freedom and power again was agonizing. I had to take the chance to jump one last time. I needed to. I hoped by doing so I’d be able to accept my sentence of “life without jumping.” I had no doubts about the veracity of the message or the method by which it came to me. I knew others probably did, but that was their issue.
Stormy hadn’t been worked in more than a month due to my back pain and vacation. I worked him until the last chance I had to jump before the barn closed. Collette and I felt he’d be fine jumping through a gymnastic (series of three jumps sequentially rising in height). Stormy’s trouble had only occurred at single fences. I wondered if I’d be tense, given the information I had received. I wasn’t because I believed that I’d be protected so that I could say good-bye to joy without incident, so that I could create a final lasting memory.
Stormy was great for not having jumped in so long. We jumped through the gymnastic several times. Collette raised the last oxer (spread fence) each time. I tried to burn the memory into my being – that fantastic feeling of Stormy over the big oxer – to hold onto for the rest of time. He is the absolute best horse I’ve ever jumped, and there’ve been many.
I could’ve jumped forever, but knowing Storm wasn’t fit enough I stopped. As soon as I did, I lost it! The tears streamed down my face, as they are right now. Stormy and I walked around the upper half of the ring with Collette by our side, her hand on my leg telling me it would be all right. But, it wouldn’t! My life’s passion had just died and took joy along with it. The loss of my ability to jump was more heartbreaking than the loss of my husband to unexpected divorce six years earlier. I’d been married for half my life, but I’d been jumping for my entire life, and jumping had never disappointed me.
I fought away the tears as I headed back to the barn. I didn’t want to upset Stormy any more than I already had. I didn’t want anyone else to know what I’d just said good-bye to either. I was reeling from the roller coaster of emotions, plus it was private and personal. I had surrendered to the message from my soul, my Guides and Teachers, the Universe, but I was a long way from accepting it – a very long way.
I am grateful for my intuition that let me know something was amiss. I am grateful for the message, which allowed me to make an informed decision before it was too late. I knew many weren’t so fortunate (including a friend and fellow jumper rider, who dove into a lake and spent the rest of his life training students and their horses from his wheelchair). I felt lucky and grateful one minute, and then devastated, angry, and extremely sad the next. Surrendering is way different than accepting. Without both, you won’t truly heal. 

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Bob Stockton is the Author of Listening To Ghosts and Fighting Bob


Bob Stockton 

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Bob Stockton was born in Trenton, New Jersey in 1940. Leaving school in his junior year, he began a Navy career in 1957. Following Navy retirement in 1977 Bob has earned undergraduate and graduate degrees, worked as a shipyard welder’s helper, adjunct graduate instructor, epidemiologist, pharmaceutical trainer and radio host. An avid motorcyclist, Bob resides in Jacksonville, Florida in close proximity to his three children, three grandchildren and a large American Bulldog named Bowser. 

Listening To Ghosts 

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Memoir

Listening To Ghosts, Bob Stockton’s memoir about growing up in a working class neighborhood in Trenton, New Jersey, and how he escaped to the U.S. Navy, details the lively ups and downs of a career navy man as he comes of age and learns invaluable life lessons both personally and professionally.

One of the few navy men who has served in the submarine navy (in diesel electric submarines), Bob also served in the surface (destroyer) navy, in Vietnam in a patrol gunboat and in the aviation navy on carriers and in reconnaissance attack squadrons.

The book is divided into two sections, “Trenton” and “Haze Gray and Salt Spray.” Each section boasts short, highly readable, highly entertaining chapters that vividly span the early 1940s through 1977, when Bob gladly retires from the Navy.

He comments, “Listening To Ghosts takes readers back to a time before the Navy became a vehicle for social engineering. It chronicles my adventures - and misadventures - in frank, candid and politically incorrect language.”

Amazon.com  
Fighting Bob 
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Historical


Many have written novels about the lives and adventures of their ancestors but most are not retold directly by the ancestor himself. In the new novel FIGHTING BOB author Bob Stockton writes of the exciting life of his great-great-great grandfather, Commodore ‘Fighting Bob’ Stockton. Once described by western frontiersman Kit Carson as “the bravest of the brave,” the Commodore’s achievements in the first half of the nineteenth century have, in his own opinion, been misinterpreted by history and his true story needs to be retold by someone with a sense of a life at sea. Under a bizarre set of circumstances the Commodore visits his descendant author and tasks him with writing the corrected history of Fighting Bob’s many accomplishments.

“ I have chosen you for this mission…….”

Those words, spoken by the Commodore to his convalescing descendant began an accounting of epic battles, duels, hand to hand fighting and military conquest covering the first half of the nineteenth century which helped to redraw the map of the United States. As the Commodore’s tale unfolds the author, who was at first reluctant to embrace the task, becomes increasingly excited with the prospect of retelling the Commodore’s story in his - the Commodore’s - own words.

Amazon.com 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Leo Averbach: The IAN Interview

I was born and raised in South Africa, lived on a kibbutz in Israel for 5 years before moving to London. I was married for 20 years, fathered 3 children and then divorced. After remarrying I returned to Israel and now live in the Jerusalem Hills, where I write and run a pottery studio. A few years ago I decided to resurrect the journal chronicling the breakup of my marriage and recovery that became my book "Breakup: Enduring Divorce."





IAN. Please tell us about Break up

L.A. Breakup is a brutally honest and surprising divorce memoir, written as a journal in real time. The narrative interweaves the story of my painful divorce with my therapy in a deeply-reflective, intimate manner and reveals how I changed and eventually came through my ordeal better for it. It's a veritable odyssey of self-discovery.

IAN. How long did it take to write the book?

LA. BREAKUP is taken word-for-word from a hand-written diary I kept at the time of my divorce. The diary ran to almost 2000 pages, all stored in a friend's garage in London… and I was in Israel. Once I decided to resurrect the diary as a book, it took me about three years to get it into a coherent digital format. Of course it had to be trimmed, chapters added, etc.

IAN. What inspired you to write the book?

LA. You will be surprised to hear that what inspired me to write the book was a Green Sweater. I broke my ankle on July 4th 2005 and while sitting on the patio of my pottery studio gazing at the sunset the thought suddenly struck me that my life story was encapsulated by an object hanging behind the door – a green sweater. This sweater was knitted for me when I was a teenager in South Africa and I have lugged it around with me for almost fifty years. It is in good nick but is getting a bit tight for me!

IAN. Talk about the writing process. Do you write at night or in the morning?

L.A. Writing was difficult because it threw me back to agony of my divorce. What I was experiencing immediately expressed itself in my journal and I began to write furiously to keep pace with events. Every day, at all hours, I poured my heart and soul into my journal, unexpurgated and unfiltered. I just wrote, page after page. Sometimes the writing took the form of reams of flowing prose. At others it appeared as telegraphic notes, numbers or even doodles and symbols. In parts it is elegant, quasi-poetic script in others an almost illegible, crude, disjointed scrawl – all faithfully reflecting the fluctuations of my mood.

I had to get my feelings out of my system and onto the paper. The very act of writing was cathartic; things written suddenly assumed a clarity that was absent before. In short, my journal became my veritable “shoulder to cry on,” my refuge, my confidant. I continued recording my therapy sessions as well. Sometimes it is difficult to know where the therapy ends and where “life” begins.

IAN. Did you use an outline or do you just wing the first draft?

L.A. It was all there. All I had to do was cut it drastically (there was a lot of repetition) and divide the material into chapters, add a prologue and an epilogue.

IAN. How is your book different from others in your genre?

L.A. BREAKUP is different on a few counts. Firstly, it is a real-life memoir, written as events were unfolding, not in retrospect, with the 'advantage' of hindsight. It is executed from the inside and I do not know of any other divorce memoir like it. Secondly, it is a divorce memoir written by a man, from a man's perspective and expressing a man's vulnerability. Sadly, this is unusual as the great majority of the divorce discourse is conducted by women. I am trying to encourage men to be more open about their divorce experiences. Lastly, the book records my therapy sessions and integrates the insights I gained into my everyday life. The combination of an intimate account of therapy in a divorce situation is exceptional.

IAN. Is your book published in print, e-book or both?

LA. BREAKUP is available as a paperback book and as a Kindle e-book.

IAN. What do you hope your readers come away with after reading your book?

L.A. 1. A sense of what divorce feels like; some sort of map of the territory, the minefield.


2. An aid to negotiating the crisis; what to emulate and what to avoid.

3. An awareness that despite the tribulations divorce can end well.

4. Some snippets of wisdom about relationships and emotions.

5. A feeling of having been on a roller-coaster ride. WOW.

IAN. Where can we go to buy your book?

L.A. BREAKUP can be bought online from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, The Book Depository and other distributors.

IAN. Tell us about your next book or a work in progress. Is it a sequel or a stand alone?

L.A.

It's about divorce but it is not a memoir.

IAN. Any other links or info you'd like to share?

L.A. My website: http://BreakupTheBook.com

BREAKUP: Enduring divorce by Leo Averbach


260 pages

Genre: Memoir

Lexicon Books


20 Apr 1991

After an extraordinary night.


I confronted Paula and she told me what was happening. As I suspected, she is involved with Shawn, a guy she has been working with for a few years. I was relieved I was right and kind of accepted. It is better knowing, for the moment.


Leo, the ultimate nice guy. Mensch. Where is my anger? Can I just take this with equanimity? Why do I feel so calm? Am I scared to explode the whole thing? Am I trying to win her back?

She says she loves me for it. How ironic. And yet, it feels okay. I can handle it. It is weird being in a situation I cannot talk about with friends. This is the central theme in my life and I won’t be talking about it.

How long will it last? She may want to stop but he needs her desperately. I have grown up a bit; I can call up my gods. I don’t feel like rushing off to find someone to caress.

Paula says I have saved the marriage by my action. Well, do we really want to save it? She says, yes. Let’s try and keep it going for a while. She needs lots of space. I think I can give it to her. We have been more affectionate lately than almost ever before. There was some release of tension, especially last night.

I feel hurt, very. The love I wanted from you, you have lavished elsewhere. That is painful. But, I can recognize the pain and bear it. Somehow, I see the world clearer today. The colours are sharper and I am more certain of myself.

Again I ask: Am I just burying my anger and rage, like I did when I was a child, or am I just aware of the pain, anger and rage and therefore able to tolerate it? What I felt in the past, the deathly sickness in my guts, is not there now. That was powerlessness, insecurity, rage and fear.

I went for a walk on the Heath and tried to find the warm, all-loving mother within me. It’s not easy, but I am more accepting of myself. I am not Tom Jones or Sigmund Freud, yet able to be “average.” Almost.

It seems crazy to me that I might not need love from another person, that I can supply all the love I need. This is a turning point in my life. Now I have to move towards real independence and integrity, although I am still not able to regress. Where is the four-year-old me?

21 Apr 1991

Can I sit and watch her in a love relationship? They say the worst pain is at the beginning; it gets easier as time goes on. At what point do I throw in the towel, cut my losses? Don’t expect me to wait around. What has this changed, anyway? Our relationship is not worse, perhaps better. If I can bear it it’s a better situation. But what about me? I am her slave.

She says she is basically monogamous but is torn. She is torn between love, passion and care on the one hand and family, mediocrity, boredom on the other. What choice?? You are caught between nice guy Leo who you can’t really get it together with and nice guy Shawn who is problematic to live with.

I see my wife has found a love situation and I am looking on it from the outside. I envy her situation. I am not really jealous of Shawn because I don’t think Paula and I could find that love.

Did I push her into it? What were my unconscious motives? Did I want an excuse for my own longings? Did I want the titillation that comes from extreme emotion, i.e., self-flagellation? And what am I going to do about it? Just take it as it comes. There is more passion there than I first thought. That is not surprising. At the same time, there is more passion between us than there has been in a long, long time. We are intimate. I am thinking warmly about her. I want her to love me.

I find myself trying to gain her love, but maybe I should just push off. I am not going to find love here, only aggravation and pain. She says, “Wait a while, I’ll be back.” Will she? Do I want her?

22 Apr 1991

I am sad, I am angry, I am in tears. I feel alive. I feel the loss, I feel the pain, but I still go on.

What was I like as a little boy? I had some sense of it in the shower. Nine, ten years old. Helpless, scared, uncertain and yet something in me said, “You’ll be okay, Leo. You’ll be fine.” And I smiled. That was the voice of my internal mother. I was crying because I felt such an utter failure, so helpless, so pathetic. I was angry with Paula, so angry I could have throttled her.

Surely it is plain as daylight—she doesn’t love me. She thinks I am a nice guy. A mensch. Something in her says, and has always said, “He is the one to marry and live with. I can trust him, he will love and care for me. But he has never really excited me, made me want to do cartwheels, made the world sharp and my skin tingle.”

I alternate between wanting to please her and wanting to throttle her. I have said how much I love her and that she does not have to choose. I have said that I love her so much that I can even tolerate her loving someone else. But at the same time I AM ANGRY. I AM MAD. I AM FURIOUS.